My Top 10 Tips for Making the World a Better Place
“What are we going to do tonight, Brain?” “The same thing we do every night Pinky, try to take over the world” – Pinky and the Brain
1) Order a cookie at least once a week at a local coffee shop. Is there anything more delightful than the combination of a cookie with coffee? Then watch your barista’s face light-up when he realizes there is still one out there that eats gluten and asks if you would like your cookie warmed. The answer is most undoubtedly always, YES. Then unabashedly flirt a little when you tell him thank you. It will make both of your days. Honestly, I can’t decide which is better, the cookie or the flirting? You choose.
2) Incorporate more PDA into your life. Seriously, what is more endearing and happy than watching couples holding hands or stealing kisses on a park bench? If we all held hands more in public places and practiced some good smooching, we would all be better off (and better at kissing!). Also, find more opportunities to blow kisses and give hugs. No further explanation needed.
3) Name your favorite dogs, like you do your favorite humans. They will notice and appreciate the consideration. It will also cause you to focus closely on each dog’s attributes which are mostly joy, happiness, unreasonable jubilation and uncontrollable excitement while incessantly jumping to greet humans. Then start incorporating those behaviors into your own life.
4) If you find yourself gloomy one afternoon while pontificating the sad state of things like Congressman trying to take away healthcare or Presidents taking away civil rights, may I offer a pick-me-up even better than caffeine or sugar. His name is Peter Kraus and you can follow his Instagram account @peterkrauswi. You’re welcome.
5) Make a new friend that lives within proximity of riding your bike to her house. Maybe rotate between bike riding and skipping. Giddiness will ensue. I promise.
6) Play with bubbles and search for great bubble machine concoctions. Maybe even do this while riding passenger in a car, so you channel the essence of the All State Pig. Ground Bubbles are even better if you have a dog that thinks his mission in life is to eviscerate the bubbles. Your jaws may hurt from laughter.
7) Give yourself permission to order movie popcorn without seeing a movie. This will feel slightly scandalous and strangely fulfilling all at the same time. Why haven’t you thought of this before now?! You will also likely blow the teenager’s mind serving you if the topic of ‘not seeing a movie’ comes up.
8) Back to the business of cookies. Make it one of your life’s purpose to go on your city’s “Greatest Cookie Hunt.” The joy of trying out each cookie’s decadence will be reward alone, but this could also be good preparation for trying out for the Amazing Race. Little explanation need be given when someone inquisitively asks you to elaborate on that correlation.
9) Incorporate nightly dance parties into your routine. It may come before, during or after dinner. The timing is not as important as the consistency of effort. Make a rule that every member of the household must participate. Song selection should likely include artists like Ja Rule to remind you of the days when Y2K was our biggest concern and boybands were the jam.
10) Eat Mexican food routinely and fall-in-love with your favorite waitress. If you are not treated like an honorary family member at your favorite Mexican restaurant, you are not really living. This cannot be emphasized enough.