The Edge of Love
The Edge of Love
I've been thinking a lot lately about the edge of our capacity of love. Every single one of us has wounds and areas that need healing which lead us all to build walls around places and people where our love can not yet reach.
Yesterday, I found myself getting very defensive about a situation in my life where I had most certainly reached my edge. My husband patiently listened, as he always does, but I could tell, he was not supporting this victim story that I had conjured to support my "rightness" in the matter. This was gently letting me know this story line was not helping me in any such way.
I woke up today thinking about it again, and I could gently feel that invitation from God, the supreme source of love, to just let go. Let go of the feeling of hurt, betrayal and rejection that I struggle with at times, and I have been carrying for a while. Mostly stuffing it away in the deep reservoirs of my subconscious until something triggers those old, animal instincts inside.
While I could tangibly feel this merciful pull, every part of me resisted, listening to that ultimate voice of betrayal, the ego. Wanting me to believe the lie, that by somehow withholding forgiveness was the right answer. That I was justified in my hurt and withholding.
But it never is.
So as I opened my heart to this indelible truth and surrendered my wounded pride and ego, a tiny miracle happened. Something massively shifted inside of me to make room to see this individual as a beautiful, child of God, just like myself. Once this happened, those warm healing tears just started flowing. Grace like rain, right?
Yes, magical, holy water.
It was like everything I had been hanging onto vanished in an instant, an absolute miracle. I love the line in 'A Course in Miracles' that says, everything lacking in a relationship is only what we aren't giving. In this case, it was my own lack of forgiveness that was holding me back due to old wounds of rejection and shame that are in the process of deep healing.
Being human can be really tough sometimes and we all just need to sprinkle each other with as much grace as possible. I hope I can remember this always, and I'm grateful my edge just got a little further.