Call Forth the Lioness
Call Forth the Lioness
One of the greatest treasures I have discovered during this recovery from my chronic illness is stepping into my personal power. For women (and some men), this is sometimes difficult, because society, culture and families can teach us to be submissive and passive. One of the things that I consistently receive feedback on is “you’ve changed” implying they have noticed my new nature embracing my power. Sometimes this is met with praise and adulation. Other times, the glad tidings have been reserved for yester years. And to this, I emphatically declare, I much prefer the new me. The one who fully sees her innate worth, value and gifts to be generously offered.
Feedback and resistance can be very typical for someone who is learning to step into her power. For those who have managed to control or highjack your personal power, when you start stepping into your freedom, this feels threatening to them. For these individuals, there is a very codependent nature and condition required for their love. If you are no longer meeting some type of emotional need when you decide to change, chances are the relationship will get rocky. This becomes a very good litmus test as you observe if the person in your life loves and accepts your authentic self or just the “idea” of who they think you are or expect you to be.
Up until this year, I never felt completely confident and usually quite timid, with authority figures or certain domineering personalities. For most of my life, I was very outwardly focused on external reactions from others and feared standing up for myself when being mistreated. I had allowed several toxic friendships, bullying bosses and other negative types of energy in my life to mount. Part of me believes this is why I got so sick. My sensitive, empathic nature had driven me to care deeply about individuals, but without strong boundaries, it became a parasitic relationship resembling a type of kryptonite. Let me be the first to tell you, this will completely drain your energy, leaving you feeling exhausted and never satisfied. Because the quest to appease everyone and hide your true self will inevitably fail miserably, leaving you completely unsatisfied. This kept me small, ashamed, afraid and mostly hidden behind the scenes. The list of sabotaging thoughts and beliefs I kept were endless, but it looks something like:
“What will she think if I say that”, “Will they be upset?” “Did I hurt his feelings” “Will they think less of me if I say this?” “Will I disappoint her?” “What if they get angry?” “What if they criticize me?” “Should I post this picture? What if someone thinks I’m narcissistic?” “What if I get rejected?” “What if they think I’m stupid?” “Who am I to go after my passions and dreams?”
Thankfully, I decided to end most of this crazy, and continue to work on it today. The secret has been to recover the power that was divinely given as my birthright when I graced this Earth, as with each of you. This has not been easy, but there by the grace of God I go…
Part of my healing journey has been discovering Traditional Chinese Medicine which believes that each of the body’s organs has a unique function and emotion tied to it. Our personal power is home to our solar plexus or gut area and is connected to worry. For as long as I can remember, worry has always been a part of me. Somehow, I felt irresponsible if I wasn’t worrying (Once again, this is a false belief that is getting erased).
One of my favorite qigong exercises is called “Embrace the Tiger, Return to the Mountain”. The tiger symbolizes our personal power and the mountain symbolizes releasing any negative thoughts or emotions that no longer serve us. Every time I practice breathing and making the gentle moves, I see myself radiating inner beauty and releasing anything that feels like it is holding me back. I am no longer a victim to my circumstances, but a responsible individual being guided and supported to a higher purpose and calling.
One of my favorite proverbs has always been, “The righteous are as bold as lions.” I recently did a guided meditation where I envisioned myself being a lioness, protecting myself and my territory. (There may or may not have been some mock roaring involved…) My intuition told me there are still some individuals that are not comfortable with my progress, trying to pull me back into old patterns and behaviors. I felt so strong when I finished, knowing I had energetically sent a firm message to myself and others that I no longer tolerate disrespect of any form, and my power is mine alone.
Most of this internal power feels very quiet and understated, much like a tree that is rooted firmly into the ground, but can weather the most treacherous storm. It’s an internal stillness that feels like I am integrity with life. I do not have to spend so much time defending or analyzing my beliefs, decisions, or actions. This has always been my journey to walk without interference. I am becoming strong like a tree, but can also evoke the roar of a lion when the circumstance calls forth.
As I practice aligning with my own personal power and learning to trust myself more, some of my new questions and thoughts look like this:
“Does this align to my core values?” “Does this feel like integrity with who I am becoming” “Does this activity bring me life and energy?” “Does this person uplift my soul and want the best for me?” “I have the right to my own thoughts and opinions” “I will not lose my power by engaging in passive aggressive relationships” “ I will not waste time worrying about what other people think about me” “I am worthy of unconditional love and respect.” “I might receive occasional criticism for what I share, but I know my value and character.” “I accept myself even if others do not”
I am becoming more comfortable in my own skin and body. I find the need to impress less and just be my creative, compassionate self. From here the horizon looks hopeful. With each baby step I take, I feel stronger and more assured as I gain the courage to speak my truth and pursue writing and spiritual teaching. I see myself becoming more confident, assured in my calling and using it to resonate with other beautiful souls on similar paths. For now, this lioness continues to heal and rest, growing stronger and more powerful with each passing day.