Today I stand in awe of the concept grace. This has been a season of thorns in my side, but the display of grace during this time has been the beacon of hope throughout. Time and again when I fear a shameful response of not measuring up, grace has been showered upon me.
My relationship with the word grace over the years has been ambivalent. At times it has felt trite and overused. We all know people who have used grace zealously, in a religious way, and we think they don't have an effing clue about grace.
But that doesn't diminish it's effect when you've experienced true grace.
You'll know when it happens because it feels like a warm blanket of love and humble gratitude wrapping you up in the vulnerability of receiving. There is never an even exchange, because it would not be grace if so.
Grace does not feel natural to me, someone who has a proclivity towards performance and achievement. Shame and guilt seem more fitting, deserving--when I feel like I'm not enough. Whatever shape or form enough takes at the time.
But so as the cool of autumn follows the heat of summer and the first blooms of spring appear after a long, harsh winter, nature teaches us the natural rhythm of grace and receiving.
And so it goes...
I can't serve on your board right now.
I can't be at church often.
I'm not able to work right now and that makes me feel helpless.
I don't feel like a good friend because I can't hang out as often.
Weekends are spent mostly watching marathon episodes of Game of Thrones. ;)
Friends and family have given so much without anything other than a sincere thank you in return.
Synchronicities continue to unfold towards my calling while I focus on healing and recovery.
To each of you who have been used as a sacred vessel of grace pouring out everything I cannot be or do during this time, thank you. You are showing me that grace has always been sufficient.